Dysfunctional Families

Author: Mike O’Connor
Copyright 2008

Terms like dysfunctional family make me wince. They seem like psychobabble nonsense, a way to cover up problems with new wave language. Or even to invent terms that sound important but mean nothing.

Still, after writing this memoir about myself and my family, I came across the phrase dysfunctional family, saw some descriptions, and found that my family fit.

Here are some examples of the symptoms we had that coincide with classical symptoms of a dysfunctional family.

1. Inconsistency or unpredictability

Our lives were chaotic and unpredictable. We could be on the run from our home with no notice. And, no idea of what our next home would be.

2. Parent-child role reversals.

During the times we lived in Mexico we children would have to help our parents navigate the language and the culture. Children learn those skills fast than adults

3. An isolated family that discourages relationships with others.

No doubt about this one. We often lived in isolated areas, but even when we  were surrounded by others, the rule of our household was not to let them get too close. This was because our parents were hiding from the FBI.

4. Mixed messages from parents

As fugitives, our parents kept the family on the run. Usually moving from place to place on what seemed to be a whim, without logic. Though the explanation we children were given is that the next place we were going to live would be so much better than the one we were rocketing away from. In truth, the next place was usually much worse.

5. Denial

The truth was that something bad had happened in our past and something dangerous was chasing us. Our parents denied that. In every way they could, they said it was not true. Still, we children could intuit otherwise.

About Mike OConnor
Veteran journalist Mike O'Connor has spent most of a lifetime reporting for television, NPR and The New York Times. He's covered - and uncovered - the malfeasance of domestic politicians and public servants. Read his riveting new book here